borrowed time

i see your inaction
and contemplate so tenderly my counter
to dissuade explosions
and harsh irrationals
to topple giants in their slumber
and walk away unscathed
not to sit by idle
not to ever dwadle
and confuse said heathens
from knowing their worthless situation
self-created
embracing the magics of the lazy
to find a coma without trying
to stay inside unless someone else is paying
and i do not forgive this.

(un)punctual purgatory

shutters closed quickly
revolving enabling
oh, suppose that
the decadence is overwhelming
alzheimers and acid
a truce wagered against it
for collapsing on comfort
a lost endeavor
a tired misnomer
and could it keep forgiving
atlas' displacement of heavenly structure
has imperviousness found seed
in worn demeanor
will quicksand spew forth from features
to sink the emitter
drown in insomnia
and sleep forever

assimilated.

six hours of uneasy sleep later
burnt by nightmares
of embraces with a patting hand
before leaving with another man
looking down at those feet again
hearts will live
and life will land
cannnnnnnot stand
face caved-in
cannnnnnnot swim
can't not swim
hold the head up instead
move on from illusions
try to forget this.

indian giver.

he listened to his rasp
sounding lost and somewhat dead
and wondered at his sending it anywhere
let alone there
as it would only
depress tongues
that otherwise would speak
made him wonder
gaped his mouth
ready for plunder.

(keep ears closed)
(do not listen)
(find the trash)
(and throw it in)

track 3 (colors_collapse "have you seen...")

you could have expired the sun
worn out it's gases and moved on
but you laid down your guns
and walked away as though you'd won
then reasoned the epiphany
of prometheus struggling
filled his heart with bumblebees
and finally quit pushing

if you don't mind the smell
the rancor
of this slow death
(i'd not mind one bit)
if you stayed here
'til the sun sets on me
until the sun sets on me.

track two (colors_collapse - "have you seen...")

the future has become some joke,
some little giggle for someone-
who is not me-
to have.
the knuckles in my back,
the healthy young man
that i somehow lost...
how did this young man
come to be so goddamned old?
how did this young man
come to be so goddamned old?
ask how.

i'm hardly a man
or what one's supposed to be.
all you'll gets
what's left of me.
the jargon-filled soliloquy.
a hermit full of infamy.
inward notoriety.

his fingers only slightly stained
from tar and wondering
and rubbing his eyes clean
of all hope and sodomy
and wishing you well.
wishing you well.

it's not that i can't stand-
but god has played a trick on me.
broken my back beautifully.
but some day soon,
i promise you.
wake up.
(i'll wake up)

smiling is nice and all...

but what happens
to those smiles in the dark
when the sun finally comes out
the avians crying murder
the rush of the human disaster
who stops to notice
in the asymmetry
and remembers that they
are supposed to be living

if i could reconcile all i did.

if i could fantasize or make this right
metabolise the deceit and once again
open my eyes...
convince you this was fixed,
that you could love or trust me again,
that i didn't have to feel dead within.
maybe find a way to trust me again.
if.

he had a heart
and betrayed it.
thought he knew himself
and obviously didn't.
three-quarters empty and completely dumbfounded.
only mattered when it was forgotten.

like a rock

his only reasons came
to him in his sleep
his only feeling wore
holes in his feet
if there were triumphs
he kept them all discreet

there should be laughter here
but the brackets rattled loose
and the corners of that smile fell down
it's fleece all tattered
skin all windburned
warmth halfway to extinct
and swirling down the sink.

heckling the deaf.

the gaze was lost and empty
all hands on canes
not for the beating
all is quite tame.

matches and lights his martyr
all disrupted dreams
to push away that someone
he doesn't want to be.

seconds all of hours
silence in his sleep
crippled here no longer
to vanquish these rotten things.

the sleeping dog..

this space is cluttered.
i forgive it,
but it's illusions evaporating,
it's hope pretentious and rusted.
almost time to roll over
almost time to bail
finding it too comfortable
this amorphous solid
this mouthless place
where words come already diverted
and completely without faith.

the ostrich

abandon this empty
bequeath your fortune elsewhere
young lady,
take as much time as you need
because it's only waiting
and the heart only breaks
because he had it coming.

(showed off his riches)
(both hands empty)

copernicus

he found that mirrors
and wishes in them
the eyes looking back
seeing right through him
were heavily tarnished
saw them dishonest
couldn't correct the loss of calmness.

smiles in the dark
sometimes sputter out
like foreheads for guns
after he thought he won
the jittery insides
for what he'd done
the last time
he saw the sun.

murdering habits.

there is a foot
that sticks out just enough
to find a wobble in step
sometimes even trips
and there is not a better time
then this second
to teach it to walk in step.

the lying tongue.

he didn't break his fingers
though the effect was the same
self-impoverishment always is
because he could watch the world
mistake and mistake
and forgive them all the same
but could not easily
forgive himself.

wolf of witz

deep in the upstairs
where doubt sits restless
attached as an urchin
to the floor with ears
and listening
for a shine of sense
for you to not be dense

worlds don't fall down
almost as fast as that apple
newton dropped
some things are meant to be stopped.

9/11

if you awoke tomorrow
and found the truth
would sparks emit
and encompass you?
would flames erupt
and turn you blue?
if it was all a lie,
what would you do?

leaving glen park.

run a river
or cry me one
or find a place
to call your own
but where i rest my head
will no longer be your home.

you drown in sorrow and you don't know why,
leave your ears low and never try..
to contemplate the reasons that i had to leave
and your still aware,
still aware,
of only your hurting.

controlling
control the way you lie.
feed the fishes
til the pond goes dry.

nosedives.

no words could make this ditch deeper
the ambling idiot
awake and asleep here
might have misjudged this
(the humorless banter)
this calf to the slaughter
all of a father's
love for his daughter
he stumbled into
accidentally stepped on
forgive him
your graciousness
he knows not he falters
his blind eyes all open
his flame all retarded
hope for forgiveness
hope to climb out tomorrow
numb and frozen hands
the sun finally on them.

something i forgot.

fend off patience
to coerce distress
demand the excess
if all this
clouded impetus
makes it useless
then it's not worth it.

capsized contracts
this won't come back
this won't come back.

wish for another
heart attack
an earthquake to swallow the lack.

for you.

eyes spend moments engaged
in a small man's thoughts
a small man's maze
but could he raise his voice
for just one moment
loud enough for all of you to hear
he'd say thank you,
in my heart you are all dear.

empty hands.

excuses,
excuses.
for actions,
for actions.

while the only thing right
were all the reasons
this never should have happened.

the cripple speaks.

i walk down streets
see the reaction to my hobble,
ppls eyes confused
or judgemental.
every time
just more realised
how good a heart must be
to really love me.

four days before tomorrow.

some voice in my ear
some seraph.
some catalyst.
shining like aluminium.
polished,
no ableism.

havoc all unsettled
winds right for vessels
to sail to western castles.

perfect things.

are just like water
you wrap your hands around
and only end up
with wet skin.

but every once
in that great while
you bring a bucket
to keep it all in.

honest things.

constant state of inebreation
fingers stained and stinking
discs wounded or melting
yet still finds strength
to be someone
to be something.

(love cannot fix the world)
(but it will never lie)

the kyoto treaty.

legs all broken.
if i could only think of something
some great anamoly
that made this happen...
if i only had one excuse,
or even one reason..

the tabernacle chorus.

make yourself a martyr
ashen faced lover
can not scream in-your-slumber.

find yourself concerned
half-way filled with cancer
does this feel better?

these eccentricities will evaporate
no need to drown in impetus
just try to stay awake
keep your head
above water long enough
to release the rust

when you see land
crawl through exhaustion
here comes fruition
(a new decision)
make,
make,
make a new life.
new steps,
new strife.
find this all complete
and untarnished.

the rest for the museum
cobwebbed mausoleum
forget-it, it's forgiven.
see you smile again.

leaving berkeley

fogbank engulfed
the tops of the buildings
and i thought of whom
next to
i'd like to be sitting
as being stuck in traffic
is a perfect time for laughter
for squeezing fingers
for being sober
and high off eachother.

ambrosia found.

and it tastes of honey
a nectar to harbor
peace for these fingers
from constant disaster
peace for this spirit
peace here forever.

real hope.

did they tell you about it?
did they make it seem worth it?
if you tie your shoes properly
you'll fall no more.
if you find trusting easily,
you'll trust no more.
if you make love accordingly
if you fill it with everything
adhere to your honesty
this will be yours.

and you are?

the words so good i could not write them
see them outlined
in any fashion
by any context clues
or font and colour
what is
is perfect
so i'll be silent.

heliotint

if i place the sun just right
to accentuate the axis
and cast your long shadow
gracefully on it
to make your limbs longer
so that they might
traverse this earth
and make the space between
non-existant.

footprints in the clouds.

privvy to insist
this peacefulness
has a right to exist

intending to enter
said methodical wonder
drop all doubt
and swim in it's splendor.

a jar. open.

old and wise
as i can be
i'll swear to you
that i have seen:
angels with smiles bigger then mountains
eyes that erase years of discomfort
hearts that are purer than de Leon's fountain
all woven together to make one person.

candid chivalry

stare at me from clouds
ashen locks wisping loose
surrounding a soft,
steep climb to
green seas above
flustered structures.

(a month later,)
(to rise from this slumber)
(trace all these lines)
(drink from these fountains)

backing out of treaties

clinton goes to harlem
to stay in the news
the new guy wants
a 'protective blanket' (to tuck us in)
from missiles
in a desert far far away
that won't come today
but could any day
so we need to feel safe
and this blanket will work
as any blanket does
for children
who cover
their heads...



02.14.01.

on the tines of an empty fork

stare at walls watching them bennnnnnnd
stand on the outside tryin to get in
there are people in the walls
i can almost see
their skin

trying to slowly starve myself thin
stand on the outside trying to get in
it's harder than it looks to
get in the walls
and live

i am peeking through the cracks
it's black n full of cobwebs
plaster chips n nails n shit
n i could get in
if i didnt have ribs
or maybe if this head of mine
wasn't so big...


04.22.01.

tobbaco seppuku

the ashtray stares at me
like a forest felled to extinction
mountainous grey ash with brown stumps protruding
allows me to chart my progress
shows me just how much work it is
killing myself
but what other form of suicide
is so legal?


08.11.02.

scene_53 (in haiku)

above mirrored lake
the face, cadmium yellow
studies her regrets.


06.09.02.

to the girl beneath the rising sun, when my letters grew scarce

sometimes i look out my window
watching the sun set
thinking i can see Japan
thinking i can see you, smiling.


04.28.94.

maturity prayer

want to be big
no worries
smiles and paint and music
want to tower
cast a shadow
on the globe
block out the sun
moon in paper bag
iced down n cold
stuck on a pole
tired and old.


09.10.01.

sharp

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhshe eminates odors
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhshe's ravenous,
mad
i'll curse her
tomorrow
with distance, she asks
a shove in
the backside
keeps most beasts
a w a y
i'm tattered
i'm lonely
i've nothing
to say
i hope
i can break her
or make her
my clay
i hope
i can tame her
contain her
or blame her
i
only
could touch her
with fingers
with eyes
i
only
could leave her
to keep her
inside
i
only
c' cleave her
to keep her
my knife.

(blank nails resting on the tin floor)

when begins begin

when you arrive
could you just pause time
so that you'd never
have to leave?

waking up.

dissolved the asymmetry
the randomness lined up
and made to order
the everything is coming
the everything is coming
days and nights soon filled
with silence and screaming
and
oh, god
it's happening
theraputic somethings
arms all latched together
and wondering
why you waited so long
to realise what life was supposed to be
contented happy
and arms for wrapping
lungs for breathing
and hands for holding.

failed disdain

you are the smile i forgot i had
the happy i thought i lost somehow
and i
i am the home you thought forbidden
the placid domain that kept itself hidden

and all these wishes
wishes no more.
just the truth.

mesquite ohs.

the differences
and space between
encourages salty brows
and this semi-gleam
if it takes traversing
a quarter of the world
to make this better
i will.

what can your city do?

my city is a magician
mine can disappear.
my city gets eaten by clouds
when twilight is near.

what can your city do? (part 2)

i drive daily
over these hills
and without fail
am amazed
by what i see.

a perfect.

he only told them stories
and thought that they would keep them
he only wanted glory
for everyone around him
something just like happy
but never thought it'd happen
his own little secret
close enough to keep it
never thought he'd live it...

(had all life been this gleaming)
(a repository of flawless)
(would those moments hold breath)
(or would you even notice)

smiles in the dark. (supposition)

this heart savvy
this heart no longer sore
these dreams no longer blemished
this life demanding more

imagination all rampant
insinuating more
finding it all perfect
and all to be enjoyed.

do not disturb

don't touch the handle
there are sleeping angels
so let them dream of eachother
and when they wake
to gaze at one another
find these moments
perfect together.

a martyr.

sliced all his fingers off
so he couldn't bring them in
into his pockets
for fear of helping again
grasping these appendages round
money he didn't have
healing the others
ignoring his own scabs
so just grab the tourniquet
to stop these bleeding hands.

dawn of never

calamity is all in perception
just like services rendered
and your needy complexion
but when i put down
my washingtons and franklins
to support a family
which was never mine
due to your lack of interest
in being a man
it makes that part of me
the friendly involving thing
die.

may on 2 and 9 (2006)

another day older
but we'll count it by years
leave myself in places
i cannot use my hands
sun far too bright
for day dreams
the world in one ear
ignored it
because there are noises
of vastly greater import
in the other.

haggled proper.

just simple and slowly drawn out
have to grasp these vestiges
to keep close feelings
when you stretch achilles last stand
before he settles in
and approaches twilight
and the rest of the things
more important
then history.

eventuals.

sit on hands
wait like martyrs
til time folds in half
sets free the ballasts tanks
and float.

the wolf

feels like promises you made yourself
when you still remembered how to dream.
the strength to pick you up,
a picture of hope to share,
these eyes stare.
(i'll steal that breath)
have always been here,
arranging things and waiting.
(because some things are right)
your fantasies awaited
since you did your forgetting,
along with the laughter
you used to hold dearly.

(fantasy no more)
(existence beautiful)
(should have always been)
(somethings are deserved.)

puzzle #1

a note on giving up:
freedom is a choking hand.
broken backs,
bracing for earthquakes,
don't stand up.

---

halfway up the tower of babel,
i laugh.
high on uncomfort, not on reason.
like insecurity evolved beyond explanation.
things that never happened.

The Butler.

your corduroy all tarnished
there is more to this world
then the roof of your eyelids
what you said you did
the life you tried to live
before you woke up

this empassioned hemisphere
this dimension-
love and fear
both good reasons
to keep good hearts near
lest you forget
(grins and fingers wrapped around)
(moments you could taste the sound)

life is what is made.

my art

there is no limit here
no boundries of chord progressions
or kadence fenced in
no chorus
or plotted path in which to swim.
just the silence filled
with contorted reasons
for believing
this could be something.

for the mute.

he finally decided
to cut off his tongue
keep his blood blue
no more breathing
leave the loved one
sleeping.
no need for symbols
for them to decipher
just fanblades all razor sharp
for the arms trying to hold him.

quattro.

if you don't mind the smell
the rancor of this slow death
i'd not mind one bit
if you stayed here
til the sun sets on me.

homecoming.

luggage ignored
by the arms once used to carry
which have found other things
less inanimate
in which to entwine their strength.

faces seal the distance
a floating mister
a floating mistress
who will not stop
despite the tourists.

tall tales

you could have expired the sun
worn out it's gasses and moved on
but you laid down your guns
and walked away as if you'd won.

taller tales

then reasoned the epiphany
of prometheus' struggling
filled his heart with bumble bees
and finally quit pushing.

smiles in the dark.

the crippled lover

and there is burden in this
i awoke from that nightmare
feet numb and eyes sore
hoping that none of it was true
that i'd never share this burden with you.

i had legs
but needed chairs to wheel
and help to wield
a smile.
i'd rather be atlas
and struggle beneath it
then have disappointment
that the young man
turned old and decrepit.

(but i still knew)
(whilst i clawed through)
(illusions and dismay)
(that you made me float)
(and i didn't need legs)

reflections of disymmetry.

there is a mirror (there's a monster)
in the corner (in my closet)
shows me my flaws (with big meaty jaws)
pristeen and all (the teeth are shining)
happy. (in the dark)

[these scars i aquired]
[long before i'd seen your eyes]
[have almost expired]
[in mine]

venus of melos

i saw that the marble of the statue
was slightly flawed
from erosive wind and transport
and realised it's perfection
even through this corrosion.
decided to take it home
and keep it in my presence
just in case it started to move.

the truth stands on short legs.

if i could see your eyes
i think for that moment
you'd question your ability
to wait for even a second
to see mine again.

just open arms. no needless atrophy

you cannot curl up next to
your imagination
can you?
because i often find
when the rest of my world
turns silent
i can close my eyes
and find that i'm not alone.

you cannot go home, again
can you?
because i often find
when i'm lost in this mess
that i already am.

begging lines.

four hours later
came out smiling
a champion of grinning
and wondered
if he'd won
why his heart was still racing.

broad delusions.

ventured outside this place
and found you'd followed me
to that elsewhere
to write me messages
i might never get
but i found the bottle
pulled the cork out
and smiled as i read.

small world.

our congruent futures
made of our suttle disasters
and the things that matter
will one day find
we are together
the distance is lost
and these moments last forever.

memories of florence i never had.

her fists both of iron
just behind her
the collapsable mannequin
limbs severed and head removed
impaled and waiting
for her to give it shape again.

presents.

i see your eyes
grace these pages
and wonder how soon
until they grace me.

justified imperfection

what do you remember of me?
my lips and how they formed
courageous things?
my hands and the hope they forged?
my heart and the truth it told?
these muscles tired
and just want to know you
and how you speak
with your lips
your heart
what your hands make
and if i helped you
what could the both of us create?

curfew.

there are times during the quiet
where i must dawdle
stifle explosions
and this rebellion
and just be.

i tear off my lips
keep them in a box
(as to not let them rot)
and wait for proper moments
to let them loose.
to turn them free.

waking up for the first time

life should retain that scent
the flowered mysteriousness
no matter age or descent
because you do not know it all
tough yr though your path may be
there is always something new
for your eyes to grab hold of
and make their own.

truth be told.

finding it all to the center
no longer
full of never
and these seconds pass like hours
and these seconds pass and ours
are close behind
lurching to break free
because these moments will catch us
there is always a tomorrow
whether you see the sun rise or not.

rapid eye movement (part 2)

there was an angel
in my ear
who said she'd wait
until i was near
to finally land.

rapid eye movement

sleeping
through the hands on me
finding me needy
and begging me to stay
sleeping.

real names.

recover the life boats
this is no wreckage
these aren't strangers
no illusory distance
everything is together
leave open volumes errant
no need to
rewrite this anymore.

left to grow.

if i stay all silent
keep this feeling righteous
watching the universe's creation
and don't share with laymen
does this make me a bad person?

sheepish.

we walk a thin line
and it's rained since then
and i can no longer tell
which side my foot is in
so i'll toe the dirt here
until this line
disappears.

standing still

didn't lift my feet
and leave this place
and my (go-go gadget) arms
will not make such a venture
so unless miracles happen
you'll have to use the ones
in your freezer.

greer.

i watched for hours
the children play
knowing full well
i'll never again do these things.

dahmer

the limbs that were severed (maybe forever)
and put on ice (maybe not's better)
are still warm
and willing to make true
on the promises they made you.

das mich.

you arrange letters
eloquent and meant to be seen
and perhaps you don't know
how happy that makes me.

if nothing else
i'll always have the same shoulders
that accept jawlines nicely
and attempt
to do their comforting.

thin resolve.

the distance has collapsed
been more then folded in half
which makes it the perfect time
to lay back,
relax
tell my pulse
it's inclinations, though not false
can't be acted on alone
or in the dark.

parentheticals

these words should be painful
a nail ridden saddle
yet i sit comfortably
heartbeat steady.
the questions i did not write down
so i'm sorry i wasn't ready.
they'll have to wait
until some better time
until some moment that's right
which may be never
but definitely isn't tonite.

so don't say goodbye
because it is heavy
and wrong, and deadly
and know that you will someday see me.

divisional scenes

do your feet splash into puddles
that make you smile?

the rain is quiet
and perfectly delightful
keeps the absence
out of my mind now.

clear nasal passages.

if you bide your time long enough
masticate your fingers
quash the tremors
the sun will eventually
break through the rolling fog
and you'll find the duct tape
removed.
speaking the truth
like you tend to do.
perhaps someone would love
to listen to you.

dreams of Egypt

ghosts all keeping quiet
sensical and steady
no longer frightening

pomp and propriety
alluding to symmetry
when twilight comes
and breathing is easy.

(round the horizon)
(where ships can't yet see)
(the Colossus of Alexandria)
(right above me.)

jón þor (jónsi) birgisson

the anguish on your face
as your voice reached the heavens
the horse hair glancing the guitar
a screaming sigh
innocent and ethereal
these seconds beautiful
awash with clarity
stopped my heart momentarily
like i'd just been struck by lightning.

Emphysema

if you throw you words hard enough
surely they will eventually break
this pill
far too large to take.

my time or yours?

because i don't think i should.
because i don't think i should.
but i need to.
i'm sure this bleeds through.
but can i take my hand out after,
and be unscathed?

Loki

i saw you wandering Valhalla
hands looking for the pockets
you didn't have
to put themselves in
holding your riches tight to your chest
hoping no one would see you
sneaking out with their treasures.

i waited until the right moment
til the fire burned low
and you had almost escaped
to stop you with questions
all that, "where are you going?"

you lashed back with principle
gave me the earful
and ran away
pretending you weren't guilty.

(do over.)
(under god.)
amen.

the worst i left in groveling, hapless traps.

and that the compass turns north
that the wrongs stop henceforth
let these castles crumble.
leave these bastions rubble.
because it has to.
seraphim only fly away.
cherubim only sing.
and mensch only
wake from their dreams.