homecoming.

luggage ignored
by the arms once used to carry
which have found other things
less inanimate
in which to entwine their strength.

faces seal the distance
a floating mister
a floating mistress
who will not stop
despite the tourists.

tall tales

you could have expired the sun
worn out it's gasses and moved on
but you laid down your guns
and walked away as if you'd won.

taller tales

then reasoned the epiphany
of prometheus' struggling
filled his heart with bumble bees
and finally quit pushing.

smiles in the dark.

the crippled lover

and there is burden in this
i awoke from that nightmare
feet numb and eyes sore
hoping that none of it was true
that i'd never share this burden with you.

i had legs
but needed chairs to wheel
and help to wield
a smile.
i'd rather be atlas
and struggle beneath it
then have disappointment
that the young man
turned old and decrepit.

(but i still knew)
(whilst i clawed through)
(illusions and dismay)
(that you made me float)
(and i didn't need legs)

reflections of disymmetry.

there is a mirror (there's a monster)
in the corner (in my closet)
shows me my flaws (with big meaty jaws)
pristeen and all (the teeth are shining)
happy. (in the dark)

[these scars i aquired]
[long before i'd seen your eyes]
[have almost expired]
[in mine]

venus of melos

i saw that the marble of the statue
was slightly flawed
from erosive wind and transport
and realised it's perfection
even through this corrosion.
decided to take it home
and keep it in my presence
just in case it started to move.

the truth stands on short legs.

if i could see your eyes
i think for that moment
you'd question your ability
to wait for even a second
to see mine again.

just open arms. no needless atrophy

you cannot curl up next to
your imagination
can you?
because i often find
when the rest of my world
turns silent
i can close my eyes
and find that i'm not alone.

you cannot go home, again
can you?
because i often find
when i'm lost in this mess
that i already am.

begging lines.

four hours later
came out smiling
a champion of grinning
and wondered
if he'd won
why his heart was still racing.

broad delusions.

ventured outside this place
and found you'd followed me
to that elsewhere
to write me messages
i might never get
but i found the bottle
pulled the cork out
and smiled as i read.

small world.

our congruent futures
made of our suttle disasters
and the things that matter
will one day find
we are together
the distance is lost
and these moments last forever.

memories of florence i never had.

her fists both of iron
just behind her
the collapsable mannequin
limbs severed and head removed
impaled and waiting
for her to give it shape again.

presents.

i see your eyes
grace these pages
and wonder how soon
until they grace me.

justified imperfection

what do you remember of me?
my lips and how they formed
courageous things?
my hands and the hope they forged?
my heart and the truth it told?
these muscles tired
and just want to know you
and how you speak
with your lips
your heart
what your hands make
and if i helped you
what could the both of us create?

curfew.

there are times during the quiet
where i must dawdle
stifle explosions
and this rebellion
and just be.

i tear off my lips
keep them in a box
(as to not let them rot)
and wait for proper moments
to let them loose.
to turn them free.

waking up for the first time

life should retain that scent
the flowered mysteriousness
no matter age or descent
because you do not know it all
tough yr though your path may be
there is always something new
for your eyes to grab hold of
and make their own.

truth be told.

finding it all to the center
no longer
full of never
and these seconds pass like hours
and these seconds pass and ours
are close behind
lurching to break free
because these moments will catch us
there is always a tomorrow
whether you see the sun rise or not.

rapid eye movement (part 2)

there was an angel
in my ear
who said she'd wait
until i was near
to finally land.

rapid eye movement

sleeping
through the hands on me
finding me needy
and begging me to stay
sleeping.

real names.

recover the life boats
this is no wreckage
these aren't strangers
no illusory distance
everything is together
leave open volumes errant
no need to
rewrite this anymore.

left to grow.

if i stay all silent
keep this feeling righteous
watching the universe's creation
and don't share with laymen
does this make me a bad person?

sheepish.

we walk a thin line
and it's rained since then
and i can no longer tell
which side my foot is in
so i'll toe the dirt here
until this line
disappears.

standing still

didn't lift my feet
and leave this place
and my (go-go gadget) arms
will not make such a venture
so unless miracles happen
you'll have to use the ones
in your freezer.

greer.

i watched for hours
the children play
knowing full well
i'll never again do these things.

dahmer

the limbs that were severed (maybe forever)
and put on ice (maybe not's better)
are still warm
and willing to make true
on the promises they made you.

das mich.

you arrange letters
eloquent and meant to be seen
and perhaps you don't know
how happy that makes me.

if nothing else
i'll always have the same shoulders
that accept jawlines nicely
and attempt
to do their comforting.

thin resolve.

the distance has collapsed
been more then folded in half
which makes it the perfect time
to lay back,
relax
tell my pulse
it's inclinations, though not false
can't be acted on alone
or in the dark.

parentheticals

these words should be painful
a nail ridden saddle
yet i sit comfortably
heartbeat steady.
the questions i did not write down
so i'm sorry i wasn't ready.
they'll have to wait
until some better time
until some moment that's right
which may be never
but definitely isn't tonite.

so don't say goodbye
because it is heavy
and wrong, and deadly
and know that you will someday see me.

divisional scenes

do your feet splash into puddles
that make you smile?

the rain is quiet
and perfectly delightful
keeps the absence
out of my mind now.

clear nasal passages.

if you bide your time long enough
masticate your fingers
quash the tremors
the sun will eventually
break through the rolling fog
and you'll find the duct tape
removed.
speaking the truth
like you tend to do.
perhaps someone would love
to listen to you.

dreams of Egypt

ghosts all keeping quiet
sensical and steady
no longer frightening

pomp and propriety
alluding to symmetry
when twilight comes
and breathing is easy.

(round the horizon)
(where ships can't yet see)
(the Colossus of Alexandria)
(right above me.)

jón þor (jónsi) birgisson

the anguish on your face
as your voice reached the heavens
the horse hair glancing the guitar
a screaming sigh
innocent and ethereal
these seconds beautiful
awash with clarity
stopped my heart momentarily
like i'd just been struck by lightning.

Emphysema

if you throw you words hard enough
surely they will eventually break
this pill
far too large to take.

my time or yours?

because i don't think i should.
because i don't think i should.
but i need to.
i'm sure this bleeds through.
but can i take my hand out after,
and be unscathed?

Loki

i saw you wandering Valhalla
hands looking for the pockets
you didn't have
to put themselves in
holding your riches tight to your chest
hoping no one would see you
sneaking out with their treasures.

i waited until the right moment
til the fire burned low
and you had almost escaped
to stop you with questions
all that, "where are you going?"

you lashed back with principle
gave me the earful
and ran away
pretending you weren't guilty.

(do over.)
(under god.)
amen.

the worst i left in groveling, hapless traps.

and that the compass turns north
that the wrongs stop henceforth
let these castles crumble.
leave these bastions rubble.
because it has to.
seraphim only fly away.
cherubim only sing.
and mensch only
wake from their dreams.

un takk

light enough to float
oh my, eyesland.
hallucinate i'm there again
(as if i ever was)
cockatrices never left him
realises it's the mayhem
of silence
and cries of children.

fasts for hours
approaches inebriation
but never quite grasps hold
settles with mild,
mental retardation.
and laughter in the ear.
little waver that once was near.

the water is warm.
the surface is clear.
blood vessels all working
to keep the breath here.

Pythagoras

thieves have come for me
so this is either
where the story ends
or begins,
i cannot remember which.
i do recall something
rendition of the flesh
convergence, there-in faith
and how i wish
i could leave this place.

for australia

young whence first
he showed me your words
astounded and wishing
they were mine.
and now
years later
(though they seem moments)
you send me pictures
smiles unflustered
you and your lover
fill the man who was not
with inarticulate joy
and the knowledge
that good things happen.

a boring, reclusive, hashish maker..

mercurial face
wise and unashamed
understanding whole know.
cadence slows.
atomically correct in this faultline
a premise of disuasion
another euphemism.
bound behind back.
babka.
jadek.
tight around neck.
partial-
complex.
oh fuck,
i forget the rest.

in all this confusion

the time hasn't moved quick enough
and hearts are still dragging behind it
and there is quite little
right now
keeping me
from buying a ticket.

looking back.

i remember
when you pushed me towards her
(away from you)
and now that i know
it was an excuse
(cancer and drugs and youth)
not a reason.
and my hands are full of reasons
for smiling.

the door was closed.

the chill air had frozen his bones
gone numb from the depth of the snow
freak blizzards and all.
never knew it could be this tall.
he thought to throw fists
'gainst the oak
and realized it was not his to demand
open.

still being unfair.

i've seen you
looking in
and i must wonder
how much easier it is
to read all these thoughts
to see what's wrought
then to let me show you.

and some things...

are not for me
to open eyes or mouth to.
but i do know
one thing.
i miss words
and black pixels
telling me things
i'll never forget.

days over hours

if i could have moved my cane faster
you'd not have tumbled
there'd be no disaster
so if you'll let me
i'll pick you up
and wait until
your done lamenting
and can finally look at me.

branded emaciated. never ever tried again.

after the royal aside
the highness a plight
if i find
after the doldrums
in the phantom tollbooth
fade their melancholy
from my ears
that i haven't changed my mind
who is to stop me
from cutting off my hands
as to offer comfort?
and would you put them in the freezer
so you could use them later?
or would the mormons
convince you they were rotten?
that they were too young,
and had cancer in them?
that they were burned too badly
when they experimented?

(all these questions no longer)
(this labyrinth has an answer)

the sun shines,
even if clouds block your view.

fire places.

i told her my tricks
that there were messages in it
and it didn't strike her obvious
that,
just over the rockies, i purchase silence.

go. over/overtly (un)dandy. break your eyes.

i know this is half my fault
morals all eaten along the way
those words i had to say
because i'd not leave you alone
to take the blame.

i attempt to find comfort
in this knowledgeless empty
by helping those near me
because it's oft been
the only thing that made me happy
but not now.

it's all sandpaper handshakes
admonishment and brainfreeze
and these eyes have seen hell
this boy was raised there
and not until he was finally a man
did he escape.

only,
it can't be that easy,
can it?
lest i forget.
oh, no.
i'm not ashamed.
i jumped into this mess.
i must admit
it's nothing like i imagined.
i really don't think
cutting out my tongue
will make this any better,
but if you like
i'll do it for a second.
if you change your mind,
i think i'll still be able to sew it back.
and what happens
if your mind stays the same?
and how would i know anyways?
or speak my case...without a tongue?
(and this is unfair of me.)

healing opens porous endeavor

the dream was lovely
but i've woken up now
and find wholly
that i want to go back to sleep.

freedom is a choking hand.

somethings disappear
faster then they arrive
moments so beautiful
and dexterous and lithe
and all mine.

somethings evaporate
and you want to know
they are still there
but along with the moisture
the reassurance is no long here.

some things end.
but never care.

And I Limp In Nettles Grasp

awakened unsettled
and cut loose the anchor
eyes burnt and dreaming still
heart lurches
feeling ill-
the truth lingers
grasping questions and answers
doldrums encompass bruised shoulders
there is no grey area.
there is no moderate hysteria.
so assail the blasphemer
find more of never
swallow the disenchantment
and over come it.
dance on the grave you've escaped.
dance and remember that face.

(you send letters)
(trying to tell me something)
(i wash myself clean)

The Honest Autocrat

Makes you
Come to
Don't know what else to do
Cause i want...

I could make this mess
(and)
Convince myself-
It's alright
It's ok.
These seizures will
Go away.

Mother says you better wait.
Mother says you better wait.
Play it...straight.

These confessions of a blind man
These imaginary friends
Won't stay here forever
They won't stay here forever
So you just might want to
Take them with you.

(make non-sense.)

Dystopicity

Tastes just like December
Drink 'til i remember
All this weight i'm under

Snow and all drifting
Cold in all the waiting
Waiting here for nothing

Haste into the morning
Breathe iced and missing
(glazed foilage not moving)

Drink 'til i remember
Something that was cancer
Drink 'til i remember
What it was
(all the weight i'm under)

I shut you up with bandages
And sockets welled shut
Beady eyes
A masquerade of blemishes
An epic of why's.

(getting)
(closer to)
(a time when you can)

Close your eyes
To end this phase
Find freedom
In sleep's dark rays.

Close your eyes
To end this maze
Find comfort.
Find comfort.

He spent his days
Convincing the world
He didn't have it
He'd been born without it
Grown up and lost it

(Jason was [just] a bewildered argonaut)
(a fallen jauggernaut)
(a fox who can't believe he's caught)

Bring Hell Water

a code of misconduct
nothing he could laugh at
bent his head
prayed right through it
made amends and broke bread...

all this has disappeared
evaporated
or been concealed
(but this was still here..)

drown the future in scorn
secrets no more
vision's all torn

he encouraged this
yet displaced it
completed the circle
and embraced it.

i
woke up an angel
and told her secrets
she promised
to keep closed her lips
hand slides to her hips
i thought i remembered a kiss
right before day began.

some of my current favorite lyrics.

"blowing kisses in the wind
'cause the two of us should've always been
but i won't be blue and i won't be down
you've got your own thing
in your own place
in your own town.

and i can take her on a ride
if she will
in my mind.
don't be shy now, baby, there's
no more time
to realize
we're on a ride."

Paul Mains - "Take A Ride"
-Paul has been a good friend of mine for the past dozen years. i'm extremely happy to say i not only know this fella, but love him like a brother.

"You believed
You believed in moments not conceived
You believed in me

A passionate spirit
Uncompromised
Without us in your heart
A light in your eyes that
Ends all lies

Vacant, broken
Fell at the hands of
Those moments that I wouldn’t see
Cause it was you who prayed for me so
What have I done to be a son to an angel
What have I done to be worthy

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight
She never told a lie
Well might of told a lie
But never lived one
Didn’t have a life
Didn’t have a life
But surely saved one
Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go"

-Tool - "Wings for Marie (part 1)

"It takes up all of your life
These decisions you make
It takes up all of a day
To make them all."

Built To Spill - "Liar"

stumbling on futures

he waits for once with a patient face
yet nervous hands
contorted round each other
roots all ready
to sink in and find breath
neath the bedrock
soon as he's ready
to do all this catching
and in this
exists no
sinking feeling.

(justified and grinning)
(sacrosanct and finding)
(the future can be appealing)
(someday, a home for dwelling)

just farmhouses with wrap-around porches
where the snow still finds it's way in the winter
no longer foraging or nomadic
and something at which he'll never be a quitter.

bedtime stories.

you are there
and i cannot touch you
and i cannot hear you
but if i kept my lips sewn shut
and tired eyes open long enough
could you come tell me a story
of magical hopes
that never have to disappear
because what you were hoping for
was already here?

Today Awake

He whispers
And lovers
(i love her?)
You'll see
There's more to me.

I'll wait here
For you to make yourself clear.
(I DID.)
I DID.
Break bread and make due.

But (what if...)
What if i loved you?

just been healed.

these small moments
of manicured displacement
where imaginations
are running,
running rampant
and desires flourish
petals of flowers
yet to have the flavor
of their scent tasted
smiles punished
with time and happenstance
and for just one glance.
just one glance.
stop the ships
and make the crippled dance.

how many friends have you given massages today?

beckoning eastward, (as) night erupts

hope sleep
now finds you nicely
eager dreamed and happy
no longer scared
of new, smiling things
all just right
and as beautiful as you imagined.

because i know?

he relaxed and fixed his brow
turned it upside down
and asked me the question-
what could he do
to deserve the heart of an angel?
i thought a second,
and chuckled at him,
before i made sure he knew
there was no answer.
that sometimes luck be your only lover.
but sometimes...

emerging from dungeons

the sun must have reflected
off some dark pool
to find it's way
deep in here
but you had a bit
of broken mirror
and used it to fill
this dank cellar
with light.

and it did.

luck does not run in circles
there is a way out
and it's near the bottom
because i found it
it's small
and a tight fit
but if you squeeze
your heart
your eyes
and imagine something better
it might just
open up for you too.

the monster at rest.

the vivid imagineer.

warm
like hands in armpits
and feet all cozied
'neath your legs
a blanket 'twixt
the way we are mixed
your highness
mine
right next to it
some great burden
you wrap your arms around
instead of push away
until you find
that it's no burden at all.

doubtful.

the sun is no longer setting
and is always rising
and leaves me to wonder
if i'll really miss the sunset
in the middle of all this dawning.

too good to be true.

sometimes you feel
as if they must have changed
when april fools day is
and no one told you.

something great.

tis not oft
that things are so perfect
when you thought
they had already run away
and you find them
waiting on you again.

fine opera. real life under kind eyes.

you can build all your chasms
and enjoy the reclusivity
confined to apathy
everything else empty

hold closed all doors
keep it secrets
keep it unimportant
(this gets me thinking
-brandishes the feeling)
because no one wants to know you anyways.
because no one wants to know you anyways.
so keep yourself a mystery.
but don't think it
at all
an epiphany.
or orgasmic symmetry.
it doesn't make you beautiful
it doesn't make you anything
but detached and bumbling
something that must
not be worth sharing.

summary.

there are days and even weeks that go by-
i try,
to keep my mind clear of thoughts
as continents swirl 'neath my eyes.
i'm going to do
what you make me to hold onto
to remind me of you.

there are days and weeks that still go by
that i wake up alone.
shivers me through
wonder exactly what i'm suppose to do
now that i'm done with you.

there are times i could almost cry
awake from those dreams
shaken,
and sweating inside.

they're our times.
there are times
that you go by
and don't even notice me.
i stand still
hoping your eyes
will glance mine.

crag, octopi, war, fail, crevass.

settles it with salt
tears all dried now
scabbed, not bruised
ego's all perfect
and marches in time
almost dancing
almost mine.

tales from a lush.

he told them stories
i think he'd been drinking
perhaps even smoking something
but honest in all
about fall, in love
with hearts full of insanity
eyes needing purged of their empty
and other excuses for rendering-
(himself useless
-his head on a stick)
gave them purpose
gave them meaning
a reason to find someone
minus the screaming.

of all the lies.

he told me to listen
that what he was about to say
was stronger then fission
was better then fiction
so i turned my good ear towards him
hoping for wisdom.

broken backs.

when living in a colony of lepers
i find it better
to stay alone forever
and never find a lover.

ringwraiths

wrapped round your finger
a constant reminder
the sucking feeling
the being torn asunder

this is a promise
this is almost never kept
this is a growing pain
and all the tears you've wept

some things come together
easier then they fall apart
and sometimes teach eachother
how to start.
again.
a new.
a better day.
a brighter you.

ringfingers.

there is no answer
to all these questions
except that happiness
really is a destination
some place you can reach
and not just with imagination
but with honest hope
and consternation
find your wellness
in emancipation.

repairing the enviroment.

sometimes
the coming together
after the tearing apart
is the sweetest of nectars
a mortal may taste
to look back on the time
spent without
and consider it a waste.

being called from the abyss.

grasp hands tightly
and try just to hold me
or emaciate your thinking
to dwell on how to remain
happy or just feeling

a wisp from the beginning
a hard fought battle for nothing
from now on
graciousness is gratuitous.
from now on
graciousness is gratuitous.

fought back the harpies
and their screaming
but found the emptiness
singing
another siren.

i think i'm done

find yourselves well.

for colin

they are headed to find out
what happened to his mind
and if all the doctors
can figure out where it went
and why
he isn't with us
he looks right through us
and if i only prayed
if i only prayed.

counter (ing) clocks (and) why's

i stood right behind you
when the sun was still waiting
to explode over the borders
my breath slight and tenative
as to keep the smell of your hair

my eyes only left you,
their tired vision
demanding respite;
yet frightened of where you dream,
because somethings end

and before you walked away
to let the demons
stop their churning
you laid your hand on my cheek
pulled you closer to me
as if you knew
this was all there'd ever be.

who i spent the last week with.

and she really is the cutest kid ever.

actually

i didn't say a word.
not one thing
or tried not to.

but i think,
you might have dropped your axe.

for mike

there were long days
you'd sit on the tractor
and yell back to us
"yr doing a helluva job."
laugh.
and we'd run behind stacking bales.
not really minding
the sweat stinging our eyes
the aching muscles
sapped of strength.

though you were not my dad
you were a father to me.
there was that brilliance about you
when you knew what you were doing
(and sometimes when you didn't)
and we used to feed off it.
you'd get a hankering
to construct something
and we'd stop our
video games/reading/eating
and come out and be yr farmhands.

you taught me the redneck work ethic
the one that says you don't stop.
ever.
you showed me that my hands
weren't just for writing
and i actually could
build things.

and now that you aren't
ever going to give me shit again
when you find me in yr kitchen
devouring everything i see
or sleeping on the couch
in the middle of the day
i just wanted to say
that i'd miss you dearly.

you were a man.

razor neckties.

luckily the sunshine
was how you described it
completely ordinary and perfect
and i'll not mind
it on my neck
and i'll call you friend
even if its become something
you'd not permiss.

politik.

the insurance cops are here
and though i've done naught wrong
i'm pretty sure
that by the time they leave
i'll have to leave myself.

das boot.

and perhaps
reasons aren't needed
or hour long conversations
when a single word answer
would have saved all this mumbling
and made him feel
like less of a child.

a nursery.

never before
had the rabbit at hand
experienced such confusing
articulate things.

the carrot's all claimed
the excuses were reasons
while the rabbit reiterated
that it prefered spinach.

the rabbit reminded the produce
that he was the younger of the two
which made him a likely candidate
for said produce's ridicule.

but the carrot was smiling
and said almost nothing
though it talked quite a bit
so the rabbit was listening
and didn't even notice
that the carrot got away
even if it was only with
saying a lot
and not saying a thing.

in short.

how long will it take
before the wind moves the right way
and pushes the clouds from your vision
to make you see
it's all a waste of time with me.

under the little top.

held my palms wide open
to show you the wrinkles in them
and emphasized i was older
then this skin.
i lowered myself into your carraige
engorged with anticipation
of everything i didn't know
of all the things that didn't show.

but all the laughs were honest.
all the enjoyment was earnest.
almost like
i went and joined the circus.

sacralige has envy. (aspect under stars)

i broke the silence
with a broad smile
not at all ashamed
because some things are alright.
no matter how you place their order
or fashion they came to disaster,
it doesn't matter.
some things are alright.
and right now?
they are getting even better.

reading a beginner's mind

and finding that it's far from that
that it's wisdom
encompassed far more
then it's title let on
because i've looked into that face
i've seen that honest smile
in those eyes
and i'll not be tricked
into believing that you
are anything less
then amazing.

my country, my thievery.

i came across your lands
wondering by what right
they belonged to anyone else.
i saw yr people's wasteland,
the places you are allowed to dwell in.
i can only express my remorse
that i cannot give it back to you.

remembering new mexico

and i'd like to someday,
sit on top of a mesa,
with all of you,
and listen to the wasteland
while the sun goes to sleep.

a disused fane

only mostly lonely
he sat and waited
to feel like a man again,
a lifting feeling
a brand new skin.
tired of just being a friend.
tired of swimming upstream
and finding the water too shallow,
his own heart,
too callow.

engineer'd the premise whilst sleeping
those vivid tremors
that find him leaving
a coward in his scoffing
a someone left for wanting
an abjudication of these things.

kept a surface of happy
throughout spines dissolving
crippled and walking
head held high and dreaming.

(stood on top of that mountain
watched creation beginning
thought he'd found his way
to compensate for everything.)

for daryk.

home in the chill discomfort
the empty main streets
and overcrowding police
warm company of friends
wipes out the cold
and hopes of seeing you soon
and sharing a tear
and an embrace
(perhaps a few beers)
makes all the bullshit in my life
vacate.

For Karel

Head, no legs.
Purplish blue. Almost white.
Almost mine.
You knew what it was
you and your mother
masculine and mine
masculine and mine.

Like a tadpole
tail where its legs should be
not even attempting to
swim through the mess it was in
before it was flushed
when your scared hand wanted so badly to save it;
to save him.

But where would you save something that dead
something so undesired and murdered
something so unbelievably white
when each time i imagine it
the colors are
brilliant red and crimson
and filled with somber forgiveness
and regret
and a hidden thought of maybe
given a half-decade's time
and another chance
all would be right
and ready
and willing

But life waits for nothing
not another chance
nor a half-decade
nor the right person
for the right person
so
here
is the place
where I say
I'm sorry.